Small wins

Can make the biggest impact

I've been really working hard on breaking some bad habits that keep me stuck in a negative mindset in certain aspects of my life.

There are certain people, places and things -(forms of media )that I need to avoid all together or have strong boundaries.

I’ve been using a Streaks- app to break habits /reduce and or improve upon others and it's helped me be aware and make improvements without feeling shame or guilt for my brain being.. my brain.

Here are the categories - of my “breaking bad” era (cue Breaking Bad (bran brannnnzz guitar sound).

• Limit Amazon and all on line shopping.

I am doing much better in cutting off the impulse that ‘I need more things - to feel better.’

Just how- my daughter needed new sneakers and while I wanted to add things to the cart of myself - I stopped myself. (I did have to add five dollars more for free shipping - so I purchased a pair of compression socks which I wear a lot!)

• Stay off Reddit or reduce time to less than five minutes.

This one is hard. I’m a recovering alcoholic and for some reason something about this site is like an icy glass of pino greej at some Real Housewives restaurant, complete with Andy Cohen asking me “how I feel about that?”

There is so much internalized sludge -my thirsty eyeballs glom onto it like the greej got tossed in my face by Andy himself:

“ I hate the world. You are all fascists. You privileged , indifferent spawn-spawn of satan -How dare you find tiny joys while others suffer under this King!”

Or it's Thanksgiving dinner in the 80s all over again.. with my drunk step grandparents , sloshing their bourbon and all over the places while their elite liberalism cascades out of their expensive trinkets they’ve collected through their exclusive travel and wealth.

It’s fascinatingly virulent.

I know it’s not all like that. There are some great subreddits- I just don't have the willpower to stay in them and not leech myself over into the “everyone is a capitalist grubbing tick suckling at the blood of the poor” rage.

I digress- onto my next breaking bad habit..

• No uncontrollable research on uncontrollable subjects. For example, I have zero control over ninety nine percent of what is in the headlines. I vote. I pay it forward when I can. I’m a good human.

The news is a depressant. Knowing more and more, will not change a damn thing.

Being informed, is important but being hyper connected to the twenty-four seven onslaught of opinions and labels and divisive rhetoric, will make me sick.

I have to also repeatedly put up boundaries with others to stop. Sending. Me. Dystopian. news headlines.

I have muted and snoozed, friends and platforms- who languish in the content that if I’m not disturbed, disgruntled and absolutely incensed to my internal core-soul by the state of the world, how can I sleep at night? I USED to believe this and think it was “tone deaf” to turn that noise off. But not today.

I have censored out as many political and toxic news words as possible from my feeds.

It helps.

• Unwind the comparison and judgement of what I see, hear and read through journaling and praying and reflecting.

I am not a saint. I am human and I judge and compare. Probably the last spiel sounded petty and judgmental -maybe a little satirical? I hope? I do love a little tiny bit of satire and humor. I try to not make any one person or even the subject of my satire. And I don’t act out or lash out on my internalized conflict as much as I used too. Is this perfect? Absolutely not. But I used to do these things because I thought they were helpful 👀 or I thought I was controlling the environment, and it kept me safe from behaviors and environments. Safety is paramount for me. My perception of safety has been disrupted by early childhood trauma and drinking a young age. I am unlearning and relearning.

Habits I’m implementing that do not need much explanation:

• Exercising more, but not compulsively

• Reading more books (and uplifting blogs that aren’t rife with doomsday scenarios)

• Writing more

• Procrastinating less but not shame spiraling because it really is ingrained in my ADHD and some great creative things have unearthed themselves after procrastinating

  —AI can’t procrastinate right? so I’d love to see them re create the ADHDrs creativity ! How hilarious if AI answered a prompt - ‘hold on there bubba, I am watching a cat scare a giant dog back up the stairs on you tube- I will watch five more of these and answer your inane prompt after I have folded or not folded this laundry 🧺.’

• I am present more. I put my phone away during -in real life - situations. I laugh wholeheartedly at the comedy of errors. I am more self aware and less self absorbed. I don’t care as much about my SEO on here or socials.

Overall- the small wins and changes within myself are a culmination of wanting to unlearn behavior that I thought kept me safe and informed.

Today ,

Move a muscle

Change a thought

Find a solution -

Untie the knot.

(even if it's small).

Be a ripple.

Rinse and repeat . 🔁