Resentment

So for the longest time -10 years? I had a huge resentment against an institution (yes- fitness related ) and some of the people that were in leadership at the time I was apart of it.

Resentment is "bitter indignation at being treated unfairly " as defined by new Oxford American.

And that's exactly what it is for me.

A couple caveats- I confused my resentment at my upbringing with trauma - which lead to a layered resentment at the people/places and things.

Yes - trauma is mixed in with resentment because you are treated unfairly -being an understatement, but once I learned to understand the difference and work through the trauma and forgiveness-on my own time- not the timeline of someone else telling me I need to forgive - it got better.

There is no timeline on any of this “stuff.” Feelings are not facts but they sure do feel that way- especially if you’ve survived anything traumatic.

One of the main reasons- I am able to more fully get through these things is because I did start forgiving MYSELF For being the way that I am.

I have an obsessive brain and rampant adhd and ‘outtaNoWhere’ anxiety. I am on as much medication as my body and mind will allow to alleviate these things.

But I also can’t numb them to oblivion (which is something I learned how to do at an early age) so working through them- I’m gonna get stuck.

Yep. Ten years is an awful long time to be resentful at a person place or thing.

But it takes what it takes and boy have I taken to the “tookiest” place ever because that’s what I needed to “take” in order to give and receive forgiven of myself and others in a pretty crazy world .

It is the people that let things go- I look up too. They aren't pacifist or complacent or whatever people want to label at them for not fighting every single thing that goes wrong in society.

One really important thing I learned in sobriety - Resentments truly truly keep us sick. But also take the time and grace we need to figure out what it is we are fighting through to get whole and healed.