Breast cancer five and half years post diagnosis

….Five Years Post-Chemo: A Reflection….

Photo 1: Me, five years ago, receiving my final chemo dose for breast cancer.

Photo 2 & 3: Me today, with my bag, holding lip balms galore , a smooshed bagel and cream cheese and an assorted knick-knacks, for my recurring six‑month infusion. All this for me probably working on this Substack from my phone.

(I’ll likely continue these for a few more years to support bone density.)

I’ve stayed grounded by following my doctors’ guidance instead of falling into the endless whirlpool of online advice and overnight google health experts.

My first oncologist actually advised my husband to keep me offline because I had already “pre‑diagnosed” myself with 78 different cancers and mapped out a treatment plan that logically made no sense but felt prioritized in my haywire brain.

Hearing the words ‘aggressive breast cancer’ sent me spiraling into all the ways I could control and fix it with all the yippyTippy tappy interwebs information.

Five years later, steadfastness has brought me here:

I’m breast‑cancer‑free.

My recurrence odds are dropping.

I’ll stop hormone therapy at the end of March.

I’ve also changed a lot in these five years. . I’m more spiritual-compassionate, nicer and less of a “know‑it‑all fight it out to the bitter end’ kinda person.

I’ve learned to say, “You might be right; I really don’t know.” And ‘I apologize for my behavior.’👀 and actually mean it. With no ifs ands or butts.

I advocate where I can, in my life and community, and I’ve found overall peace in entrusting my care to doctors and nurses (and a creator of my own understanding, not humans’ understanding) who trained for years to help people like me in my situation.

Not everyone chooses the same path. Chemo, radiation, hormone blockers, and infusions are not a health spa journey. Some people choose surgery alone, or nothing and that’s okay too.

Health is deeply personal, not a moral issue or a one‑size‑fits‑all formula.

There are cons.

Weaker bones from chemo, radiation, and estrogen blocking (hence the infusions and daily calcium + vitamin D).

Slower metabolism.

High cholesterol, likely genetic and hormone‑blocker related,

-I take Lipitor even though I eat didn't eat ‘badly’, which is also a myth served up on a platter by the interwebs.

A five-pound bag of crushed flax seeds in smoothies and cardio didn’t fix it my rising lipids. My doctor gently reminded me: health is complex, and no amount of ‘perfect fitness and flax seed behavior’, guarantees control over our bodies.

We live in a culture that shames people for merely existing in a body that doesn’t match up to the norm.

For not being able to control all the bullshit that goes on in our bodies and we exalt the ones with perfect bodies all over the damn place.

But shame doesn’t work. People already know the risks in life and health is their choice, and that is their business.

And looking a certain way and eating a certain way and exercising a certain way and believing a certain way, and voting a certain way guarantees nothing.

The more control we think we have the less we really have.

and speaking of Chemo:

The “red chemo” in particular was brutal, like my oncologist was dragging me to death’s door to bring me back. (I know that was not the goal but it felt like that) Chemo is poison; it can even cause cancer. It’s a balancing act: enough to kill and annihilate the meanie cells without destroying the whole cell even thought I lost every once of hair- even in my nose and and eyelashes and you actually need those.

Hello allergies with zero defense mechanism and thank you for the gift of saline, Flonase, and Pataday -Pharma Gods and Goddesses.

One thing cancer, chemo, hormone blockers and lipid destroyers didn’t change is my indomitable witty spirit, in fact it grew bigger than I expected.

Five years post‑chemo, I’m grateful, changed, and still moving forward; one infusion, one prayer (less flax seed ) and rather than fighting what I can’t control, today I fight what I can control, for and within a full beautiful life.